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Once the husband has paid (it is important to have him pay first, otherwise some of the effectiveness of the game will be lost), the wife proceeds to do a striptease, using her own imagination. Then she sits on the husband’s lap.

“So, what would you like now, my dear?”

“You’ll do anything?”

“Anything you like.”

*94/196/1*

Aim: To relax body and mind, assuage depression, and release sexual and creative energy.

Game Plan: Husband and wife begin by playing poker, which quickly becomes strip poker: Each time one of them loses, he or she has to take off an article of clothing. The game ends when one of them is completely naked. The winner then has a choice of either giving or receiving a thorough massage.

The person who is to give the massage takes charge from that point on. Let’s say it is the man, and that he then says, “You are about to have the most extraordinary massage you’ve ever had in your life. It will be an erotic, soulful massage, and you are to enjoy it to the fullest, and to try not to think about anything else but the massage. If you do think of something else, then always return to the massage and think about it again. If you want to think about how glum your life is, then go ahead and think about how glum life is, but then return to the massage again and think about that. If you want to think about how meaningless your existence is, then think about how meaningless your existence is, but then return to the massage again and think about that. Always return to the massage. Do you understand?” The giver of the massage should repeat this message until the receiver obviously does understand.

*69/196/1*

Meanwhile, the wife had experienced a passive father, who gave her anything she wanted materially, but was completely absent emotionally. She always had the impression that her father, a politician, married and had children only because it was politically expedient to do so. Just as her own mother had ranted and raved at this passive father, so now she too became enraged at her passive husband. The more monstrous she felt, the more she hated both herself and him, and the more she would resort to name-calling, guilt-tripping, and temper tantrums.

*44/196/1*

Having said that, let me add that this book is not a sexual panacea. If you use it according to instructions, and are willing to persevere even when it seems as if nothing is happening (even when, in the beginning, it seems silly, pointless, hopeless, upsetting, or disgusting to continue), then you may well achieve results. These are sure to be gradual, even though there may be an initial upsurge of fascination and joy—as happens in the beginning of most any endeavor.

*19/196/1*

The treatment of homosexuals is complex and difficult and as the preceding discussion suggests, encounters developmental vicissitudes on a number of levels, often of an intensely ambivalent and pregenital character. The difficulty of the therapy and the problems it involves, as well as the likely resolution of underlying conflicts and the possibility of adequate heterosexual adjustment largely depend on the levels of adequate personality development achieved and the extent to which early developmental conflicts and impairments are part of the genesis of homosexual behavior.

Nonetheless, certain critical points are characteristic in the treatment of such patients. Particularly noticeable are the oedipal incestuous and aggressive fears, particularly those relating to the negative oedipal constellation. It is central to the successful resolution of the homosexuality that these oedipal conflicts be resolved and that the nuclear pre-oedipal anxieties be discovered. These often entail primitive fears of incorporation, particularly of engulfment by the mother, with associated fears of loss of identity and personal fragmentation that may be inherent to any attempt to separate from her or to gain any real individuation.

*229/187/5*

Definition and description

The transsexual is genitally an anatomical male or female who expresses with strong conviction that he or she has the mind of the opposite sex, who lives as a member of the opposite sex part-time or full-time, and who seeks to change his or her original sex legally and through hormonal and surgical sex reassignment.

The actual demand for hormonal and surgical intervention has been dependent historically on the patient’s knowledge of the availability of such procedures. The personal sense and conviction of having the wrong-sexed body, however, predates such knowledge. Typically, a transsexual dates in childhood the onset of his or her sense of belonging to the other sex. The age at which sex reassignment becomes an id?e fixe varies. It may be prepubertal or adolescent, or it may be delayed until, in young adulthood or early middle age, the obsession finally can be postponed no longer.

Incidence

Public health statistics in the United States do not include incidence figures on any sexological problems, including the incidence of birth defects of the sex organs. Voluntary registration of sexological problems would fail statistically, owing to the social penalties of self-disclosure. Therefore, there are no authentic estimates of the incidence of transexualism in the United States or anywhere else. However, it can be said that postoperative transsexuals in the United States now number in the thousands, but almost certainly not in the tens of thousands. In a total United States population of just over two hundred and twenty million, the condition is far more common than most physicians might think, but not so common that every physician should expect to treat several cases in the course of his or her career. Some will see no cases, and some will miss cases because the patient is too apprehensive to state his or her chief complaint.

*192/187/5*

In general, sex laws constitute a legal arena in which basic principles seem, at least until quite recently, to have been accepted through past implication and precedent but without express attempts on the part of legislatures or courts to re-evaluate and re-examine the fundamental assumptions behind legislation and court decisions. The law comes closest to explicit definitions of sex terms within the framework of the penal law. New York State adopted a new penal law in 1965, after study by a commission appointed by the governor to revise and consolidate extant penal law. The new penal law was drawn in large part from the Model Penal Code, itself drafted in 1962 after approximately ten years of study by the American Law Institute.

Sex laws have been characterized as relatively unique because the crimes they define are frequently without victims or involve “victims” who are themselves consenting participants to the criminal behavior. The concept of crimes without victims has been raised in controversy about the benefits and disadvantages of decriminalization in these areas; clearly the task of deciphering which crimes do not have victims, at least in a prototypical sense, and of determining the exact components of victimization is complex. Edwin Schur, illustrating the concept with abortion, homosexuality, and drug addiction, notes that in the last decade the scope of substantive law in these three areas has been reduced. What one commentator takes to be a victimless crime, may appear to involve victimization in another’s view.

Surely from a particular perspective, almost any activity categorized as criminal also can be defined as including a victim, even if that victim be the criminal himself or herself. The question again becomes: Who differentiates victims from consenting participants? Who may determine which domains of activity are criminal? What are the underlying assumptions on the basis of which such determinations are made or rendered reasonable? How, that is, does law or a set of laws relate to a society’s more pervasive forms through which the world is understood and through which those understandings are articulated.

*155/187/5*

The important point in this discussion is the relation that seems to exist between sexual drive organization and other personality functions. The choice of a particular toy or play activity might foreshadow a particular interest or even a pattern of symbolic projection of certain inner articulations of life experiences into the outer world. This was stressed rather cogently by Erickson in his study of the development of psychosocial identity in children. Erickson’s approach to the development of sexuality emphasized that the “inborn instincts” in man are drive fragments that gradually must be organized and integrated during the course of the child’s development, in such a way as to echo his or her modes of adaption. To Erickson, the development of sexuality in boys and girls is not only determined by anatomical differences, sexual interest, and sexual activities, but also by the modes of activity and adaptation reflecting the patterns of sexual experience among sexes. For example, in one study, he found the most significant differences between boys and girls were in the manner of their constructing and staging play space. Boys showed a tendency to “erect structures, buildings, or streets.” Girls were interested mostly in creating “the interior of a house, with simple, little, or no use of blocks.” It appeared that the variable of “high-low” is masculine and the variable of “open-closed’ is feminine. These modalities are patterned after the feminine and masculine genital forms and functions. It brings to mind Leonardo da Vinci, who once said that shape of the body tells of its function. Freud himself talked about this relation between anatomical configuration and personality development. He said that “the morphological distinction is bound to find expression in differences of physical development. ‘Anatomy is Destiny,’ to vary a saying of Napoleon’s”.

The above studies and other similar studies suggest that there is an intimate tie between psychosexual development and major modes and styles of personality functions, and that there are ways to identify the differences of adaptational approach between boys and girls even in the earliest period of life in normal development.

*118/187/5*

A double standard for adultery traditionally has been recognized and rationalized. A trenchant example was provided by the British literary figure, Dr. Samuel Johnson:

Confusion of progeny constitutes the essence of the crime; and therefore a woman who breaks her marriage vows is much more criminal than a man who does it. A man, to be sure, is criminal in the sight of God; but he does not do his wife a very material injury … if he steals privately to her chambermaid. Sir, a wife ought not greatly to resent this (Boswell).

The reasons for the double standard are not difficult to identify: the long tradition with legal sanction of the view of woman as property, in which a man who committed adultery with a married woman was violating the property of another man; and as noted by Dr. Johnson, the possibility of uncertain parentage, clouding matters of ownership of property and inheritance.

Although the double standard may have lost ground in recent years, condemnation of extramarital sex continues to be very strong in our society. In studies conducted during the past twenty years reviewed by Hunt, all reported that the “great majority” of their respondents disapproved of extramarital sex. In Hunt’s own sample, from 80% to 98% said that they or their mates would object to extramarital affairs. In a recent study of a national sample of 1,044 registered voters representing various regions, races, ages, and religious groups in the United States, 76% of the respondents said that it is “morally wrong” for a man to be unfaithful to his wife, while 79% believed that it is wrong for a woman to be unfaithful to her husband. Female respondents were somewhat more conservative than male, and both male and female were more disapproving of unfaithful wives than of unfaithful husbands (Time).

Our discussion here will be on a distinction proposed by Smith and Smith between conventional adultery and consensual adultery. The former is characterized by secrecy and deception, unknown and uncondoned by the spouse. The latter is characterized by openness and consent of the spouse. Consensual adultery may take the form of a spousal agreement for such activity for one or both mates.

*81/187/5*